Things we do for EXERCISE

 

The things we do as moms to get in some physical activity is pretty spectacular.  If you attempt to exercise, give yourself props cuz it ain't easy while juggling kids, a career and a social agenda (pfffft, obviously that last part was a joke).  Of course, whenever I'm at the gym I notice or experience some fresh new shit.  So here it is.

Messy bun? CHECK!
Cute workout clothes? CHECK!
Exercise kicks? CHECK! CHECK!

Wait, I'm not ready!  I need to pee, fill my water bottles (2 to be exact, one for back up) and Aspercream it up (don't judge me, my shit hurts).  Okay, now I'm ready.  Why is "Highway to Hell" playing? That's a little messed up. Are they trying to scare me into running out the door?  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Okay, stupid question.  We know why.  To eat that slice of pizza with a FEW glasses of wine guilt free of course!  Well, here is what I have come across in my visits to the G.Y.M.

Spin Class - The seats are terrible to put it nicely. Just fucken TERRIBLE. I'm pretty sure I was violated.  OMG was that penetration? WTF is with the seats?????

Step Aerobics - Every. Single. Time. there is someone in this class that used to be a cheerleader, a gymnyst or some shit.  I now refer to her as High Kicker.  I just cannot stop seeing her floor to ceiling kicks out of the corner of my eye.  Trips my ass up every time! 

Body Pump - Are you ready to get SWOLL???  Yup me too.  Saw someone with some killer weightlifting gloves, thought they were required for the class, so I got me a pair.  Now I look stupid AF!

Pilates and Yoga - I have literally never heard so much farting in silence in my entire life other than the toots coming from my own kids.  It's really, REALLY awkward.  SKIP to the next class!

Zumba - Can someone please shut the damn blinds in the room when this class is going on????  I feel embarrassed just watching! 

Boot Camp - Definitely NOT!

And without fail there is always a dedicated mom in the class I'm taking who just needs a moment to herself so she put her littles over in the child care area only to be interrupted half way into class to change a diaper.  I mean really child care workers???? Really?  It couldn't wait 20 more minutes so this sweet angel of a mom could get her high kicks in?  Not cool man, not cool.

So you see, we really have endless exercise options these days.  And if the class setting isn't your thing, you can always strap on a lead vest and run around the parking lot like a goddamn Navy Seal or hit up the fitness center where you can treadmill for days.  But try to grab a machine on the end and out of the way.  I've seen people in there whipping towels at their pits.  Yes, you read that right.  These towel whippers will smack a towel under each arm repeatedly in an effort to catch the sweat.  Why?  I just cannot understand this technique.  Why not just wipe it?  Does that cause too much rubbing and chafing?  Maybe the whipping affect offers a burst of cooling air?  Who the F knows.  And don't get me started on the weightlifting grunts coming from the back of the room. 
It's all just distracting AF.

So pick your poison, turn those tunes up to full blast and get through this shit show the best you can.  Because the things we do for exercise are just absolutely insane BUT in my experience, provide some of the best entertainment available.