Why I Hate Meet the Teacher Day!

 

Let me clarify....this has 100% nothing to do with the teachers! I love our teachers! As a matter of fact, I feel absolutely terrible for them on this day as well.  I cannot express enough how much I appreciate what teachers do, I understand what they endure and I’m forever grateful for their involvement in my child’s life. I know my kids can be little assholes so I KNOW the teachers see it too! With every new school year comes Meet the Teacher Day. Unfortunately that doesn’t change the fact that I fucken hate Meet the Teacher Day. There is no other day of the year that I dread more. And it’s not meeting the teachers that I despise.  It’s everything else involving this event that sucks.

Let me explain.  Pushing through hallways crowded wall to wall with other parents and kids pouring out of overflowing classrooms in a mad dash against the next bell ring fills me with so much anxiety I cannot even function.  It’s a complete shit show.  With a forced smile on my face and a coffee in my hand I escort my four kids all over the damn school lugging heavy ass bags of supplies to be delivered to each classroom. I smile politely and say hi to parents who seem to be enjoying this chaos. They are filled with excitement over what a new school year brings. I’ll tell you what it brings....flu season, head colds and lice. 

My daughters want to decorate their lockers, my boys are running like wild beasts through the hallways and wrestling on the floor. It’s loud, my head is spinning and it can’t end soon enough.  Oh shit that’s another bell ring indicating that we need to take our asses to the next teacher.  I’m gathering mounds and mounds of information to help us have another “successful school year.”  Everyone is excited to see all the friends they missed over the summer. They are eager to meet the teachers they will have for the next 9.5 months of their lives. I get it. I support it. I can just do without it.

Final stop on this train of pain is the Social Center (aka the GYM) where we can grab a popsicle and buy spirit wear.  Oh for fucks sake...the Parent Association has multiple tables filled with sheet after sheet of volunteer sign up events. This is my nightmare. It’s a cult of overachieving moms looking for help with this and that, who are fake to your face while encouraging you to become an "event chairperson" just to turn around and talk shit behind your back. No. Thank. You. I am of the opinion that the Parent Association is a glorified party planning committee for the school. Some of which doesn’t actually benefit student academics or enrichment in the least. Total. Waste. Of. Time. But I bite my tongue and offer to help with the fall book fair where I don’t have to get sucked into the toxic gossip, can complete my volunteer tasks and leave with my soul still in tact. Consider that my “do good” contribution for the year!

As the final bell rings, I gather my little monsters and make a mad dash for the car.  On the wall I read a flyer posted for Curriculum Night in 2 weeks. It states:

Meet the Teacher! See your child’s Classroom! Learn about their school year Curriculum!

WAIT WHAT?!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

I have to do this shit ALL OVER AGAIN in two weeks?

No fucken way! I’m gonna pass! Might have diarrhea that night!
Sorry.