We have all read the story about James Younger, the 7 year old boy from Texas whose mother is fighting for his gender transition. I have my thoughts on this topic.
As a mother of a daughter who has always gravitated towards boy clothing and boy shoes and boy coats and boy hats. Who likes to play the guitar and ride a skateboard and play basketball. Who borrows swooshy shorts and t-shirts from her big brother and dresses as Spider Man for Halloween. She knows she is a girl. She likes what she likes and that is who she is. I am her mother, and I let her do her. From the moment she could dress herself, this was what made her happy and comfortable. Who am I to tell her she can't. What I can't do is tell her, as a 5 year old, who she is supposed to be. That is not my job. Nor am I here to play God. My most important role is to help her be happy and free to feel comfortable in her own skin. And if dressing like a boy makes her happy, so be it.
Every day she would pick her own clothes, her shoes, how she wore her hair and even her outfit for picture day. I loved the confidence that she had. That is not something that can be taught. She was born with that. She could care less what the other girls were wearing. She never followed the crowd. We would go out as a family and people would stop us and compliment our beautiful, BIG, family. Oh, you have 3 boys and a girl they would say. What a blessing. One time the waiter at a restaurant asked me what my son would like to drink, pointing to my daughter. I just politely responded...she'll have a chocolate milk. This was our normal. It bothered us zero. And we were happy that she was happy.
Most parents think, it's just a phase, they will grow out of it. Maybe. What I will say is that there was never a moment where I thought to myself, my daughter likes boy things, therefore she must identify as a boy, and I must do everything in my power to make her a boy. Never. She is a child. She will like what she likes today, tomorrow it will be something different and next year different again. She is a child. Let me repeat, she is a child. She is growing and discovering who she is as an individual. Seeing a boy play with girl toys does not make
him a girl. This just isn't so. As parents, our job is not to push our children into something that is so incredibly life altering because we "think" this is what they want. They don't know what they want anymore than they know how the universe came to be. I went an entire year where my son thought he was Tarzan. Then he was a gorilla who rides a horse. As quickly as his obsession for these things began, is how quickly his passion changed. Now it is all Beyblades and Pokemon. It is not my place to tell my child what they are supposed to like or who they are supposed to be, ever. Even at this very moment in their young lives, where I am a teacher, a nurturer, and a guide for them, that is not my place as a human. She was born a girl, that is a fact. Not an it, or a they, or anything other than the baby girl the doctors pulled from my body. As children, their brains are still growing and developing. When they have fully formed adult minds, the choices for their lives are theirs to make 100%. As adults, the freedom to be who or what they want is theirs to make. But as children, we should let them be whatever makes them happy in that moment, without permanency. Even if that is a sea turtle.
Today my daughter is a thriving, still very confident, 8 year old who likes to wear hoodies, basketball clothes, sweatpants, jean skirts and dresses. Her mood dictates her attire. And I love it. She is finding herself, her own way, every day. She is goofy and sweet and the easiest friend to have. She judges
no one and finds common place with many. She still loves those swooshy shorts and t-shirts. She still plays basketball and the guitar. But in between that, she wants the fancy dress for the Father Daughter Dance. She prefers the super cute girly bathing suit. She likes her hair curled and is obsessed with lip gloss. Because that is her, right now. And I am here holding her hand on her journey through life as her biggest supporter. Because that is my role. Because I am her mother.
Every day she would pick her own clothes, her shoes, how she wore her hair and even her outfit for picture day. I loved the confidence that she had. That is not something that can be taught. She was born with that. She could care less what the other girls were wearing. She never followed the crowd. We would go out as a family and people would stop us and compliment our beautiful, BIG, family. Oh, you have 3 boys and a girl they would say. What a blessing. One time the waiter at a restaurant asked me what my son would like to drink, pointing to my daughter. I just politely responded...she'll have a chocolate milk. This was our normal. It bothered us zero. And we were happy that she was happy.
Most parents think, it's just a phase, they will grow out of it. Maybe. What I will say is that there was never a moment where I thought to myself, my daughter likes boy things, therefore she must identify as a boy, and I must do everything in my power to make her a boy. Never. She is a child. She will like what she likes today, tomorrow it will be something different and next year different again. She is a child. Let me repeat, she is a child. She is growing and discovering who she is as an individual. Seeing a boy play with girl toys does not make
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