We have officially reached the point where our kids notice EVERY F'n THING! And it's not just during the day, while having regular "adulting" conversations. NOPE, their ears are hard at work 24/7! And at night, they no longer fall into a deep sleep and have dreams of sugar plums dancing in their heads. They can hear a goddamn pin drop from across the house! Our kids are now 11, 9, 8 and 6. Our two boys are the bookends and our daughters are in the middle. It's perfection! Most of the time anyway.
So here is our "Caught in the Sex Act" story... well, stories! Okay, okay, not our finest parenting moments. Apparently we just don't learn!
About a year ago we were away for the weekend staying in a small cottage when we decided to bump uglies. Shit, do people even say that anymore??? And our daughter PICKED the LOCK with one of my hair pins. Why would she do such a thing you ask? Because she's nosy as fuck and heard mommy "crying" and was worried. Oh dear Lord help me! Yes, that is so sweet, of course and very caring. Unfortunately I am sure she will never get the image of her dads white ass up in the air out of her sweet, pretty, little head! And I KNOW she will NEVER pick our bedroom lock again. How do I know you ask???? Next story...
Just a few months ago we were "caught in the sex act, episode 2." Again, one smart cookie we live with! This time, however, she wouldn't dare come in. Instead she slipped us a lovely note under the bedroom door which read: "Moms Loud. I'm going to vomit." on the back of an old Christmas tag.
YUP!!! Straight Up....M.O.R.T.I.F.I.E.D! While also laughing my ass off. Hey at least she learned NOT to come in!
So how do you handle the next morning after such a note is exchanged? Me...I just ignored it like shit never happened! And that was working for a moment. Then, while cooking breakfast, enter our sweet, never embarrassed, excitable little 8 year old daughter: "Mom, why did you and dad have the door locked last night?"
I simply replied, "For Privacy."
She looked at me funny and said her sister told her, "It's because you guys were having S.E.X." (ummmm yes she spelled it out just like that!)
I said, "Do you know what S.E.X. means?" and she said "YES, I'm Not stupid. Its when a mom and dad get naked and kiss and then have a baby."
Well okay then. No sex talk needed here. Moving on.
Now that our house has experienced these wonderful moments together my husband and I have decided to just have sex in the car...while locked in the garage....and only on school days while the kids are GONE. Especially now that our 9 year old has picked up on our little flirting cues to one another. Like when my husband said to me the other day...
"Hey, wanna hang out later?" And he winked and looked at me all cute like.
Our 9 year old daughter quickly and sternly replied on my behalf with a "NO, NO SHE DOES NOT!" UGH!!! Seriously??? But I do!!! LOL!
So if you have a "Caught in the Sex Act" experience like ours, we are now part of an elite group called "Worlds Most Embarrassed Parents!" And if you haven't, well then get ready because it is coming! God Love our little cock-blocks!
I read and hear a lot of parenting stories about kids walking in and parents being, well....caught in the sex act. For a while I thought...Nahhh, won't happen to us. Welp, we have a nosy Nancy living in our house and when it comes to roommates, she is quite certainly the most uncomfortably well informed 9 year old we have ever known!
So here is our "Caught in the Sex Act" story... well, stories! Okay, okay, not our finest parenting moments. Apparently we just don't learn!
About a year ago we were away for the weekend staying in a small cottage when we decided to bump uglies. Shit, do people even say that anymore??? And our daughter PICKED the LOCK with one of my hair pins. Why would she do such a thing you ask? Because she's nosy as fuck and heard mommy "crying" and was worried. Oh dear Lord help me! Yes, that is so sweet, of course and very caring. Unfortunately I am sure she will never get the image of her dads white ass up in the air out of her sweet, pretty, little head! And I KNOW she will NEVER pick our bedroom lock again. How do I know you ask???? Next story...
Just a few months ago we were "caught in the sex act, episode 2." Again, one smart cookie we live with! This time, however, she wouldn't dare come in. Instead she slipped us a lovely note under the bedroom door which read: "Moms Loud. I'm going to vomit." on the back of an old Christmas tag.
Serious Parenting FAIL!
So how do you handle the next morning after such a note is exchanged? Me...I just ignored it like shit never happened! And that was working for a moment. Then, while cooking breakfast, enter our sweet, never embarrassed, excitable little 8 year old daughter: "Mom, why did you and dad have the door locked last night?"
I simply replied, "For Privacy."
She looked at me funny and said her sister told her, "It's because you guys were having S.E.X." (ummmm yes she spelled it out just like that!)
I said, "Do you know what S.E.X. means?" and she said "YES, I'm Not stupid. Its when a mom and dad get naked and kiss and then have a baby."
Well okay then. No sex talk needed here. Moving on.
Now that our house has experienced these wonderful moments together my husband and I have decided to just have sex in the car...while locked in the garage....and only on school days while the kids are GONE. Especially now that our 9 year old has picked up on our little flirting cues to one another. Like when my husband said to me the other day...
"Hey, wanna hang out later?" And he winked and looked at me all cute like.
Our 9 year old daughter quickly and sternly replied on my behalf with a "NO, NO SHE DOES NOT!" UGH!!! Seriously??? But I do!!! LOL!
So if you have a "Caught in the Sex Act" experience like ours, we are now part of an elite group called "Worlds Most Embarrassed Parents!" And if you haven't, well then get ready because it is coming! God Love our little cock-blocks!
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