Many of us spent years building a friend-list made up of our closest girls from sisters and cousins, to school and work friends. These are the friendships that were built on late night clubbing highlighted with telling everyone how much you fucken love them in the bar bathroom in between puking your damn brains out. The friends that told you how beautiful you were even with mascara smeared down your face and your smokey eyes all a mess. The friends that happily hit the Taco Bell drive through at 2am and then can't remember how you all got home because you blacked out but woke up with tacos in your purse. The friends that requested YOUR song from the DJ so that you could sexy dance like a giant asshole on the bar of some sketchy club. Those girlfriends!
But no one tells you that this friend-list basically becomes shit flushed down the fucken toilet the second your name changes to M.O.M. I can honestly say that I no longer relate to the friends I had back in my college years. Since I was the one who married and had kids first, that basically meant "Bye-bye! See ya later, we no longer have shit in common!" To this day I still have friends from college living the single life in the city or just now starting to have babies. How can I even relate to that? Wait, I can't because I have four kids, 2 dogs, a husband and live in the suburbs!
I've come to realize that as we grow as women so do our friend-lists. These days we have Momships which I place into three specific categories....
1. Sister Wives
These are your bestie mom-pals, brought into your life by fate and you could never imagine life without. The ones that if you were actually into sharing a husband, these would be your gals! These are the women that you love like sisters, sisters that you choose to have by your side in this crazy mom-life filled with organized chaos. The ones that your own kiddos look up to as moms #2 and #3 in your little village and treat your kids as their own. These are the friends that don't hesitate to be there for one another, who listen to your postpartum cries and give you advice on whatever hella storm comes up. The double date-night friends with husbands who are now friends. The ones you have in the room with you while you give birth to your third beautiful baby, who you can laugh with, cry with and always be honest with no matter what. Those friends.
2. School Mom-Friends
These are the other moms that have kids that go to school with your kids and the kids all become friends with one another, therefore automatically thrusting the moms into a fucken forced momship. Sometimes these friendships stick, which is awesome, and then sometimes you just wanna stab your eyes out every time your kid asks for a play date with them. Luckily I live life "authentically." I don't pretend to be friends with everyone. I don't sit at the school pick up with a fake ass smile chatting it up with every parent there looking to expand my momship list. Nope. I'm pretty straight forward, either we are friends or you fall into category 3 on this list. There really is no in between. If you smell like drama and a headache I want nothing to do with you! I think the moms that live life trying to have 5000 Facebook Friends and impress everyone with their over-volunteering and kiss-assness need a shot of chill the fuck out sprinkled with some I don't give a shit-o-gin! Otherwise, our kids are friends and you're pretty cool soooo...yeah, we can be friends too! Those Momships.
3. The Mom-Acquaintance
These are the moms that you come in contact with for brief moments but feel obligated to smile politely and say hi. Usually co-workers, other moms on the same sports team as your kid or the wife of your husbands friend that needs to eat a slice of fuck-off pie with her over the top fake laugh that you know is so full of shit. The one that comes up to you at the grocery store all loud and obnoxious so everyone looks over as if talking in public makes you friends. The mom that attends EVERY social event under the sun and then posts it on Facebook as if to either impress you or make you feel bad for not participating in more crap. News flash lady....I don't give a shit if your weekend was filled with a fundraiser Gala after visiting every animal shelter in the town protesting pet stores while circulating a petition to save the bees. I. Don't. Fucken. Care. And neither does the rest of the world! These women are the reason you wear your sunglasses to school pick up.....Those women.
So now that we are all grown up and slaying the shit out of this thing called Mom-Life....let me ask you this....
What are your Momships?
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