Unsolicited parenting advice is probably one of my biggest bugaboos! I get it, EVERYONE wants to "help" you succeed as a parent but what they don't understand is that they are on the verge of turning you into a goddamn MURDERER!
For all the mothers out there with the patience of a Saint, I salute you. For the rest of us....it becomes difficult to hide our "crazy" after a while! Especially with strangers such as the daycare worker at the gym I frequent with one of my bestie mom pals. Who by the way thinks she is a Doctor, Psychiatrist, Family Therapist, Dula and every other profession in the book of parenting know it alls! Ummmm....news flash Lady! You work at the gym daycare center....SHUT THE FUCK UP!
So you ask....what has this gym daycare worker said? Well, as confidently, snarky, bitchy and sternly as one can be to another mom that they DON'T FUCKEN KNOW, here it is...
1. Overhead paging through the gym facility intercom system calling for my friend (who, by the way, is balls deep into her hardcore workout) to quickly return to the daycare play room like there is a fucken fire! For what?
Worker: Oh, ma'am....yes, we need to inform you that your daughter is licking the floor.
Friend: SERIOUSLY?! (picture below is literally her fucken face) You called me out of the gym for that? Okay, well tell her not to do that then!
Worker: We just feel it is very inappropriate and unsanitary so you should know about it. She could get sick.
Friend: OKAY LADY, Cool, Thanks! If she likes to lick the floor SO WHAT! If she get's sick it's her own fault. Now I'm going back to finish my workout!
Back to the gym we go!
Me: WTF! That couldn't wait until pick up? Fucken people suck!
2. Just a normal day at the gym enduring an awesome kick ass work out (said NO mom ever)
Another intercom page for my friend....
Worker: Your son has a runny nose and we can't wipe if for him because that contributes to the spread of germs. (worker then goes on a diatribe of explanation on germs, viruses and how they spread)
(my expression below)
Friend: WHAT, Seriously?! He's ONE! Clearly he can't wipe his own nose! You called me out of the gym for that?
Worker: Yes, ma'am. We have a strict no wiping noses policy.
Friend: Well, he's not sick. He has allergies. Have his sister wipe his nose next time, this is ridiculous! And by the way HE WILL BE BACK TOMORROW, so...... (eye roll here)!
3. Another fierce mom exercise day complete, go to pick up the kiddos...
Worker: Did you forget your daughters medication this morning?
Friend: WHAT? (P.S. I'm fully prepared to jump into this fight LOL! see image below)
Worker: Well some days she plays pretty good and is calm like a "normal" child (shit this Lady is looking for an ass beating)! But today she is running around the room laughing and hyper and I just figured you forgot her medicine today.
Friend: Excuse me! NO she is not medicated, she is FIVE! (see image below) Keeping her shit as together as possible my friend gets her kids and leaves.
Me: WTF! Who asks someone shit like this?! Where is the tape so I can shut her mouth for her?!
Honestly this Lady has some balls, or no brain! The examples go on and on and on. You can see as a mother how this might turn you into a psychotic, protective, defensive mamma bear! This Lady watches the kids 1-2 times per week for TOPS one hour and suddenly she is the all wise one, dishing comments and advise like they are turds falling from the sky! Some people should stay the fuck away from certain jobs! Like I know I could never be a lawyer because "Man that is Fucked Up, guilty for sure!" would probably fall out of my face regularly!
So to those that wish to serve up some unsolicited parenting advice, DON'T! Save us the jail time!
And now when I go in to drop my son off at the gym daycare playroom, I sign into the daycare book while glaring at this Lady with a vicious death stare and say "He's here to play with his BEST friend because she is AWESOME!"
And out to the gym I go, waiting for the next intercom page to sound! Because screw that Lady, we are FIERCE ass Mom's and we will slay this shit TOGETHER!! Plus I hope my kid takes a giant dump in her purse!
15 minutes later...
FUCK...the gym playroom just called us!
For all the mothers out there with the patience of a Saint, I salute you. For the rest of us....it becomes difficult to hide our "crazy" after a while! Especially with strangers such as the daycare worker at the gym I frequent with one of my bestie mom pals. Who by the way thinks she is a Doctor, Psychiatrist, Family Therapist, Dula and every other profession in the book of parenting know it alls! Ummmm....news flash Lady! You work at the gym daycare center....SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Now my bestie and I are as close as sisters so when anything happens to one of her babies my mamma bear creeps to the surface as I stand stealthily ready in the background to cut a bitch! We are well aware that our children are far from perfect. Each unique and special in their own little monster ways. But they aren't hurting anyone! Her 5 year old daughter is "excitable" and that is what we love (and sometimes hate LOL) about her! However, that is for us to decide and anyone else should strongly consider shoving a dirty diaper into their pie hole before we come at them like highly agitated spider monkeys!
So you ask....what has this gym daycare worker said? Well, as confidently, snarky, bitchy and sternly as one can be to another mom that they DON'T FUCKEN KNOW, here it is...
1. Overhead paging through the gym facility intercom system calling for my friend (who, by the way, is balls deep into her hardcore workout) to quickly return to the daycare play room like there is a fucken fire! For what?
Worker: Oh, ma'am....yes, we need to inform you that your daughter is licking the floor.
Friend: SERIOUSLY?! (picture below is literally her fucken face) You called me out of the gym for that? Okay, well tell her not to do that then!
Worker: We just feel it is very inappropriate and unsanitary so you should know about it. She could get sick.
Friend: OKAY LADY, Cool, Thanks! If she likes to lick the floor SO WHAT! If she get's sick it's her own fault. Now I'm going back to finish my workout!
Back to the gym we go!
Me: WTF! That couldn't wait until pick up? Fucken people suck!
2. Just a normal day at the gym enduring an awesome kick ass work out (said NO mom ever)
Another intercom page for my friend....
Worker: Your son has a runny nose and we can't wipe if for him because that contributes to the spread of germs. (worker then goes on a diatribe of explanation on germs, viruses and how they spread)
(my expression below)
Friend: WHAT, Seriously?! He's ONE! Clearly he can't wipe his own nose! You called me out of the gym for that?
Worker: Yes, ma'am. We have a strict no wiping noses policy.
Friend: Well, he's not sick. He has allergies. Have his sister wipe his nose next time, this is ridiculous! And by the way HE WILL BE BACK TOMORROW, so...... (eye roll here)!
3. Another fierce mom exercise day complete, go to pick up the kiddos...
Worker: Did you forget your daughters medication this morning?
Friend: WHAT? (P.S. I'm fully prepared to jump into this fight LOL! see image below)
Worker: Well some days she plays pretty good and is calm like a "normal" child (shit this Lady is looking for an ass beating)! But today she is running around the room laughing and hyper and I just figured you forgot her medicine today.
Friend: Excuse me! NO she is not medicated, she is FIVE! (see image below) Keeping her shit as together as possible my friend gets her kids and leaves.
Me: WTF! Who asks someone shit like this?! Where is the tape so I can shut her mouth for her?!
My Friend...About to Slap A Bitch!
Honestly this Lady has some balls, or no brain! The examples go on and on and on. You can see as a mother how this might turn you into a psychotic, protective, defensive mamma bear! This Lady watches the kids 1-2 times per week for TOPS one hour and suddenly she is the all wise one, dishing comments and advise like they are turds falling from the sky! Some people should stay the fuck away from certain jobs! Like I know I could never be a lawyer because "Man that is Fucked Up, guilty for sure!" would probably fall out of my face regularly!
So to those that wish to serve up some unsolicited parenting advice, DON'T! Save us the jail time!
And now when I go in to drop my son off at the gym daycare playroom, I sign into the daycare book while glaring at this Lady with a vicious death stare and say "He's here to play with his BEST friend because she is AWESOME!"
And out to the gym I go, waiting for the next intercom page to sound! Because screw that Lady, we are FIERCE ass Mom's and we will slay this shit TOGETHER!! Plus I hope my kid takes a giant dump in her purse!
15 minutes later...
FUCK...the gym playroom just called us!
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